tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8963814001111615687.post4463818415999469208..comments2014-10-20T08:55:19.337-07:00Comments on Punk's Prose: The Other WomanAnnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12005617910784603654noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8963814001111615687.post-60928960488631713662014-05-07T11:29:34.812-07:002014-05-07T11:29:34.812-07:00I love reading your words. Thank you ... i needed ...I love reading your words. Thank you ... i needed to hear this .... Love you... proud of you. :-)Lauranoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8963814001111615687.post-68901661590043987702014-05-07T05:51:07.028-07:002014-05-07T05:51:07.028-07:00It's complicated. It's a choice I make. It...It's complicated. It's a choice I make. It's a choice these men make. It's a choice these women make. Because trust me, women cheat on their husbands just as much as husbands cheat on wives. Cheating is simply a symptom that needs are not getting met. It's not necessarily the end of a relationship. It can be the jumping off point for something even stronger & more resilient. Now that I've had the experiences that I've had & I've become a sex educator, I also see how toxic monogamy can be. It's rare that we consciously choose it - it's forced on us by social expectations. But that's another conversation for another day.<br /><br />I have given a great deal of thought to my lovers’ wives, to their lives, to their children (if they have any). I wonder if he neglects them as much as they neglect him. And we talk when we’re lying together about their marriages, about their feelings and what they wish was different. It’s never something I sweep under the rug or ignore. We talk openly about their marriages and wives and what is broken. I don’t know if that makes you feel better or not, and I also don’t think I’m the norm because I’m very conscious of my decisions and careful about my lovers. I’ve heard from the men that I’m quite rare in that regard. But I do want to share my perspective because I don’t want us shaming each other, regardless of the choices being made. <br /><br />Regardless, I admire your bravery for sharing your story & your heartbreak. Betrayal, in whatever form, is never easy, & having friends around to help nurture us through the pain is sooo important. I am thankful every day for the strong, beautiful, powerful women in my life. We should all be so lucky to have those friends who will be there with us through thick & thin.<br /><br />Best to you!Dawnhttp://sexgetsreal.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8963814001111615687.post-79446177082397446762014-05-07T05:50:29.626-07:002014-05-07T05:50:29.626-07:00First, thank you for sharing this. It’s deeply per...First, thank you for sharing this. It’s deeply personal and that takes guts. On the cheating thing - have you read "Mating in Captivity" by Esther Perel? I think you'd find it very interesting. Esther is a relationship therapist & talks at length about the power of eroticism & how often times cheating strengthens a primary relationship.<br /><br />I wanted to offer another point of view. No judgment. Simply personal experience.<br /><br />I was cheated on in college & it was heartbreaking. Not so much because of the cheating, but because it was proof that things weren't working & I hadn't had the courage to face that on my own. <br /><br />I have cheated. I spent 7 years in a relationship with someone that I loved very much, but again, things weren't working. I felt like I was dying, suffocating, & wanted to rip my skin off at points because I felt like I had no way out... my partner couldn't support himself without me, & I felt trapped. We went without sex for three years & talked about it endlessly. I cheated on a whim & for the first time in YEARS, I finally felt wanted. I felt sexy. I felt like a woman again. I never imagined I'd be the kind of person to do that, but this stranger brought to life something that had slowly died an agonizing death inside of my relationship. It gave me the nudge that I needed to have some tough conversations. We ended our relationship a few weeks later, & I've never been happier. But I needed that nudge to wake me up & show me just how bad things had gotten.<br /><br />And yes, I've slept with married men. The men I choose are good men. Men who feel the way I did - they love their wives & their families, but they feel neglected, dead inside or trapped. When they try to talk to their wives, they are shut down or it starts a fight. They are exhausted & broken. My relationships with these men will never turn into something serious. I do not want them as a committed partner, & they do not want me. They want their wives. They want their families. They love them. But they also want to feel wanted. <br /><br />One of my lovers is a wonderful man. God he loves his girls. He loves his wife, but she won't touch him. The last time she gave him a BJ was 2-3 years ago. The first time we were together, & I told him I wanted to touch him, he nearly cried. He didn't believe he could be wanted by a woman anymore. He really thought I was lying when I told him how much I loved tasting him. He was frozen with terror that I was going to reject him. Because his wife rejected him every single day & he'd internalized it the way I internalized that self-hatred when my partner rejected me time & again. This man could not believe I actually wanted him. It took us a few times of seeing each other before he began to believe me - that he was wanted & sexy & sexual. He looks at me with stars in his eyes - not love, but with thanks. And he makes me feel sexy & desired. It's a mutual exchange.<br /><br />Esther Perel says there are two kinds of cheating - one that serves as a bridge & one that serves as a wrecking ball. The bridge helps to fill a hole in someone's life that allows them to find strength inside their primary relationship. Instead of focusing all of their time & energy on this lack of sex & feeling resentful & angry at their spouse, they can let that go & refocus on all the other things their spouse offers like stability, intimacy, friendship, a future. The wrecking ball cheating is when the relationship is going to end no matter what & so one partner seeks out an external reason to blow it all up.<br /><br />(cont)<br />Dawnhttp://sexgetsreal.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8963814001111615687.post-23870642104158217912014-05-07T05:21:41.784-07:002014-05-07T05:21:41.784-07:00I love you my Annie. I am proud of how you were ab...I love you my Annie. I am proud of how you were able to rise out of your darkness into this stronger and more resilient woman. I am thankful formthe winefilled talks on your couch and the tears we shared. I love you so much. I am happy to see you smile again. Smoooches cuz!!Tuttlebugnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8963814001111615687.post-6771524850186860152014-05-07T04:30:51.444-07:002014-05-07T04:30:51.444-07:00Amen! I just love you and that is all. This might ...Amen! I just love you and that is all. This might be my favorite post by you. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10073572424677023166noreply@blogger.com